3-minute read

For the last several months I’ve been following a wellness program¹ to help motivate me to reset some less than healthy eating habits.  Apparently Type A personalities do really well on this program because they are rule-followers and they like to tick all the boxes and do the program to the letter.

I didn’t think of myself as a rule-follower.  If I don’t like the rules, I don’t follow them.  But if I sign up for a program, you bet I’m going to follow all the rules, watch all the videos, and get that hit of satisfaction from ticking all the boxes. 

When I told a few people in my life that I might be a rule-follower, I expected them to say, “What!  You!  No way!”, but instead they all chuckled and said some version of “Duh!  No kidding!”  

This was a real eye-opener for me, but now I’m seeing it in everywhere in my life, and not always in a positive way.

I recently read² an example of a sports player who received two instructions from their coach “if the player defending comes at you, then deceive him with a feint.  Otherwise take the shot.”  The game unfolds and the player takes the shot, just as the coach instructed, but they miss and it costs their team the game.  After the game, the player finds out that one of their teammates was wide open.  Why didn’t the player pass to the open teammate?  Because they were so focused on the coach’s instructions that they didn’t even see their teammate.  “When two things are competing for your attention at once, you have to choose.  You can only focus on one thing at a time.”²

This really hit home for me.  What am I missing when my mind is filled with instructions and focused on following the rules? 

Unfortunately, it turns out that what I am sometimes missing is the actual experience itself.  If my mind is focused on counting the number of repetitions of an exercise, I can go through the motions and not even be aware of what my body is doing.  I counted to 30, so I must be done!

So how to change this life-long way of being?  How to be more present in my body, more aware in my life, and not trapped in thinking and box-ticking?

I’m working on using noticing and feeling as my cues.  So now,  when I stretch in the mornings, rather than counting to make sure I get a long enough stretch, I’m focusing on feeling into the stretch and listening to my body.  This may be a no-brainer for you, but it’s huge for me.  Before, I would know I was done because the physio guy on Instagram said to hold the stretch for 30 seconds.  Check!  Now rather than paying attention to the counting, I’m paying attention to the feeling in my body, and I know I’m done when it feels good to be done.  

Letting go of rigid rules and following my own inner guidance is a big leap of faith for me.  It’s a huge shift to go from getting satisfaction from outside sources like box-ticking to generating internal satisfaction from just being.

I’m still doing things I’ve done many times before, but now I’m reminding myself to be present, more self-aware, and not just going through the motions.  When I catch myself counting, it’s a good indicator that I’m in my head and dissociated from my body.

I’m hoping I can continue to notice when my mind is filled with instructions and rules because, “When our mind is not full of instructions, it has room to play with new ideas that can lead to great discoveries.”²  Oh, the possibilities! 

¹  The Livy Method

² Move the Body, Heal the Mind: Overcome Anxiety, Depression, and Dementia and Improve Focus, Creativity, and Sleep by Jennifer Heisz, PhD