Intuition

Posted on September 1, 2026 by Lisa Ivaldi

3-minute read

A friend recently asked me to be a guest guide at an Embody Your Intuition retreat day.  My part was to guide attendees through an intuitive practice using my book, Insight Clarity Growth1, as a divination tool, similar to using oracle cards.

Although books and cards have been very effective tools in my life, this invitation brought up a lot of insecurities and doubts. 

I’ve been a seeker for as long as I can remember.  Over the years I’ve explored working with many different energy and healing practices and practitioners and read more books than I can count.  But despite all that learning, I used to believe that only certain people were born with the special gifts of receiving information from the universe, and that I was not one of those people. 

Then, in 2017, I registered for a series of workshops called On The Spiritual Path.  Those workshops showed me that we all have access to information through our higher selves, that part of us that is connected to infinite, universal wisdom.  And they taught us tools that everyone can learn to access their own intuition and higher knowing. 

The dictionary defines intuition as “immediate insight.”2  I think of that immediate insight as my higher self telling me what it wants me to know.  So why was I having so much doubt about sharing an intuitive experience with others?

I knew that it worked for me, but I didn’t have as much confidence as my friend that others would receive the insights they needed through the stories they chose.  I was completely overthinking about how to best present the idea of using the book, and that overthinking was generating more doubt.

My mind was so loud and so busy that I couldn’t see the irony of the situation.  Intuition is a knowing that is beyond the mind.  You don’t have to go and seek intuition, you just quiet the mind down and it will naturally be there.3

Luckily, my higher self gave me a nudge, and I had the immediate insight to step back and let the book tell me what to do.  I asked, “what do I need to know in order to best present the idea of using this book as an oracle reading.”  I let the book randomly fall open to a page and the title of the story was Lighten Up.  I laughed out loud because it made so much sense.

I was taking myself and the whole situation way too seriously.  The story reminded me that I was sucking all the joy out of a beautiful opportunity.  So, I relaxed and reminded myself of all the signs I’d been receiving lately confirming my intuition and of all the times I had used oracle cards and books as a way to connect to my higher self.  And now I had a great personal example to use in presenting the practice!

So, how did it turn out? 

I liken using a book to a one-card oracle reading.  According to my favourite deck it is like “opening a window into a new direction, new understanding, or confirmation about what you may already feel you know but need more certainty about.”4

And, to my delight, that’s exactly how it played out for the retreat participants.  Like my experience, they each received a message that was pertinent and meaningful to them from the stories they chose.  And two of them chose the same story!

I’m hoping to keep strengthening my intuition muscle until it becomes second nature, my new way of being.  Because getting quiet and listening is a lot more productive and enjoyable than overthinking and spiraling into confusion and self-doubt. 

(If you are in the Guelph area and would like to join me for a playful intuitive practice you can find upcoming events here.)

~~

1 Insight Clarity Growth by Lisa Ivaldi, 2025, https://insightclaritygrowth.com/book/

2 The Concise Oxford Dictionary of Current English, Seventh Edition, 1982

3 Michael A. Singer, https://untetheredsoul.com/

4 Mystical Shaman Oracle Card Deck and Guidebook by Alberto Villoldo, Colette Baron-Reid, and Marcela Lobos

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Awakening

Posted on May 2, 2026 by Lisa Ivaldi

3-minute read

For the last several months I’ve been following a wellness program1 to help motivate me to reset some less than healthy eating habits.  Apparently Type A personalities do really well on this program because they are rule-followers and they like to tick all the boxes and do the program to the letter.

I didn’t think of myself as a rule-follower.  If I don’t like the rules, I don’t follow them.  But if I sign up for a program, you bet I’m going to follow all the rules, watch all the videos, and get that hit of satisfaction from ticking all the boxes. 

When I told a few people in my life that I might be a rule-follower, I expected them to say, “What!  You!  No way!”, but instead they all chuckled and said some version of “Duh!  No kidding!”  

This was a real eye-opener for me, but now I’m seeing it in everywhere in my life, and not always in a positive way.

I recently read2 an example of a sports player who received two instructions from their coach “if the player defending comes at you, then deceive him with a feint.  Otherwise take the shot.”  The game unfolds and the player takes the shot, just as the coach instructed, but they miss and it costs their team the game.  After the game, the player finds out that one of their teammates was wide open.  Why didn’t the player pass to the open teammate?  Because they were so focused on the coach’s instructions that they didn’t even see their teammate.  “When two things are competing for your attention at once, you have to choose.  You can only focus on one thing at a time.”2

This really hit home for me.  What am I missing when my mind is filled with instructions and focused on following the rules? 

Unfortunately, it turns out that what I am sometimes missing is the actual experience itself.  If my mind is focused on counting the number of repetitions of an exercise, I can go through the motions and not even be aware of what my body is doing.  I counted to 30, so I must be done!

So how to change this life-long way of being?  How to be more present in my body, more aware in my life, and not trapped in thinking and box-ticking?

I’m working on using noticing and feeling as my cues.  So now,  when I stretch in the mornings, rather than counting to make sure I get a long enough stretch, I’m focusing on feeling into the stretch and listening to my body.  This may be a no-brainer for you, but it’s huge for me.  Before, I would know I was done because the physio guy on Instagram said to hold the stretch for 30 seconds.  Check!  Now rather than paying attention to the counting, I’m paying attention to the feeling in my body, and I know I’m done when it feels good to be done.  

Letting go of rigid rules and following my own inner guidance is a big leap of faith for me.  It’s a huge shift to go from getting satisfaction from outside sources like box-ticking to generating internal satisfaction from just being.

I’m still doing things I’ve done many times before, but now I’m reminding myself to be present, more self-aware, and not just going through the motions.  When I catch myself counting, it’s a good indicator that I’m in my head and dissociated from my body.

I’m hoping I can continue to notice when my mind is filled with instructions and rules because, “When our mind is not full of instructions, it has room to play with new ideas that can lead to great discoveries.”2  Oh, the possibilities! 

1  The Livy Method

2 Move the Body, Heal the Mind: Overcome Anxiety, Depression, and Dementia and Improve Focus, Creativity, and Sleep by Jennifer Heisz, PhD

Posted in Behaviour, mindfulness | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

Choosing Joy

Posted on March 31, 2026 by Lisa Ivaldi

3-minute read

Over the years our family has had many discussions about the value of big, expensive weddings.  My very definite opinion was that they are a waste of money that could be put to better use … buying a house, going on vacation, saving for the future.  No brainer!  Thousands of dollars for a few hours of partying or putting that money into something more substantial and lasting.

So when my daughter announced she was getting married, I was surprised to hear that she wasn’t planning a nice small wedding and saving her money for a memorable honeymoon or buying a house.  She wanted a full-blown wedding.  Dress, flowers, cake, party.  The whole shebang.  I was disappointed that she couldn’t see the waste of a big wedding and I let her know every time she brought the subject up.

Then one day, when I was getting my hair cut, my hairdresser brought up the topic of weddings.  I said something about not being a fan, and instead of agreeing with me, she looked at me sideways and said, “My wedding day was the best day of my life!”  Yeah, yeah.  I’d heard that before and was pretty sure it was just a way for people to justify the money they had wasted on a fancy dress and a big party.

I smiled and nodded and hoped we could change the subject.  But no, she went on to describe her whole wedding day to me.  Her salon is on the property where she was married and she was pointing out where everything was, who was there, all the smallest details.  She was clearly reliving every moment while I, trapped in the chair, quietly endured it and waited for the story to be over.  I don’t think I was even really listening.  Just nodding politely as she droned on.

But a curious thing happened.  The more she talked, the more she lit up, and the more I could feel myself reluctantly waking up.  She was practically exuding joy and I couldn’t resist being drawn to it.  Her joy was so palpable that it slowly melted my heart and chipped away at my certainty about weddings being a waste of time and money.  By the end of my appointment, I could clearly see that her wedding day actually was the best day of her life.

I left there a changed person.  I had the clear realization that if I continued trying to talk my daughter out of having the wedding she wanted, I would be robbing her of the joy that my hairdresser got, and was clearly still getting years later, from the best day of her life.  It was like a light bulb was turned on and I could clearly see what was hidden before.

And sadly, I also realized that I had already been depriving my daughter of joy by being a naysayer and downer every time she mentioned her wedding plans.  I decided to stop robbing her of the joy of planning her wedding day with my eye rolls and obvious disdain for the whole process and to start sharing in her joy.

I thought I was doing my daughter a service by showing her how commercialized weddings were and that she would regret spending the money on a perceived societal norm just because everyone on social media was doing it.  I wasn’t looking at it from her perspective.  Just because a big wedding would have been a waste of money for me, didn’t mean it would be for her. 

As Brianna Wiest wisely wrote, “that idea may be wrong for you, but it exists because it is right to someone else.” 1   

So, when my daughter mentioned that she was making appointments to view wedding dresses, instead of rolling my eyes, I told her I would like to go.  When she said she thought I would hate that and asked me why I wanted to go, I told her about my experience with the hairdresser and how I wanted to be part of her joy.

And you know what, we had fun going to all the fancy stores with various friends and family.  I let go of price tags and wedding industry judgment and just had fun with her.  Her wedding, her way, her joy. 

My daughter’s wedding day turned out to be one of the most joy-filled days of my life.  I walked around smiling uncontrollably the whole day.  Thank you Allison for helping me to open my heart and choose joy over judgment.  I am so glad that I was a captive audience in your chair that day.  

1 101 Essays That Will Change The Way You Think by Brianna Wiest

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What Are You Tolerating?

Posted on February 28, 2026 by Lisa Ivaldi

2-minute read

I was listening to a podcast by psychotherapist Terri Cole1 and I didn’t really understand what she meant when she said, “I deserve more than what I am tolerating.” She continued, “I want you to pause on this one and think about what you’re tolerating right now.” 

So I did.  I paused and I thought.  And I concluded that I wasn’t tolerating anything.  If something bothers me, I deal with it.

When will I learn that an immediate ‘I don’t do that’ response is a clear signal that I need to look more closely?

Terri continued, “And many of the things we tolerate are things we could change ourselves.  It might be something as simple as not liking the lighting in your bedroom or needing a new duvet.” 

When she said that you might not be “dialing into what you’re tolerating”.  That really caught my attention and I couldn’t get it out of my head.

Am I tolerating something that I’m not even seeing?  What am I not dialing into?

One obvious example hit me the next morning as I was getting out of the shower.  I always grab the bath mat off the shower door and drop it on the floor, folded in four.  So, as usual, after my shower, with no glasses on, I did my best to step over the side of the bathtub and land my foot on the tiny patch of bath mat on the floor.  It’s even more challenging if I’ve tossed my hairbrush out of the shower and onto the mat and have to avoid stepping on that too!  

Why do I do that?  Why do I drop the mat on the floor folded in four?  Why do I make it so small and difficult when I don’t have to?  Because that’s how it hangs on the shower door and that’s what I’d gotten used to doing. 

Once I saw it, I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t figured this out sooner.  It reminded me of the story of the captive baby elephant who has his foot tied with a rope to a wooden stake.  When the elephant is small, he can’t pull the stake out of the ground.  Over time he becomes accustomed to not being able to move away.  So when the elephant is fully grown and could easily pull the stake out of the ground, he doesn’t because it has become his reality.

Like the elephant, I had become accustomed to the small bath mat as my reality.  The same as having to climb over the side of the tub to get into the shower, it was just the way it is.  I wasn’t seeing how easily I could change the bath mat situation. 

Now, rather than just grabbing the mat off the rail as is, I unfold it before I drop it on the floor.  Such a simple change.  Such a big improvement.  It is so much easier getting out of the shower.

I’m hoping to open my mind to the possibilities of what else I may have grown accustomed to.  Situations in my life that I am not even aware that I am tolerating.  Is what I am accepting as ‘the way it is’, the way it has to be?  Based on my recent experience, I think it’s definitely worth my while to take a closer look.

1 The Terri Cole Show – Episode 799 – The HFC Recovery Code: 11 Truths for Healing from High-Functioning Codependency – January 26, 2026

Posted in Behaviour, Perspective | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

Becoming

Posted on January 31, 2026 by Lisa Ivaldi

3-minute read

Last year I was chatting with a woman I had met at an event the year before.  I recalled how we had joked about our ‘ideal other selves’ and all the healthy things those selves would be doing. Like getting up at sunrise to do yoga.

She had totally forgotten about the conversation.  I hadn’t.  I had thought about it periodically over the year.  Usually with some regret.  Wishing I was more like that other self.  Not doing anything about it.  Just thinking about it and knowing that it would likely never happen. 

I’m not an early riser.  I like my couch-centered morning routine, slowly easing into my day.  Still, that other self kept niggling at me.

I kept reading and seeing the message of how important it is to move your body first thing in the morning.  And every week at my noon hour yoga class my stiff, aging body told me I needed to move more, do more yoga.

So I tried to figure out what type of movement I could sustainably do in the mornings.  Over the years I’ve tried walking as soon as I get up.  I’ve tried working out in the mornings.  Nothing stuck for long.

My mind kept coming back to sun salutation.  It is literally a morning yoga practice to welcome the sun.  But it is also my least favourite yoga practice and I didn’t want to do it.

Then one morning out of frustration for not finding anything that I thought would work, I decided to try my own version of a short sun salutation.  Surprisingly, I liked it.  It felt good.  It felt right.  And I’ve kept doing it.   

So why have I been able to maintain doing a short yoga practice in the morning when just a few months ago that felt impossible?

Psychologist Dr. Rick Hanson1 explains, “the way to shape who you are becoming has to do with what your attention rests upon.”1  This is what he calls ‘taking in the good” and it increases “the storage of the experience you are having at the time.”

My short morning yoga practice feels good, so I pay attention to that feeling and repeat the practice the next day.  My attention is now resting on how good it feels to move in the morning. I’m taking in the good and reinforcing it.  I’m no longer reinforcing the negative stories I had been telling myself about how I’m not a morning person or that I don’t like sun salutation.

According to Hanson, our brains are designed to be changed by our experiences.  It’s called positive neuroplasticity.  “Much mental and therefore neural activity flows through the brain like ripples on a river, with no lasting effects on its channel. But intense, prolonged, or repeated mental/neural activity—especially if it is conscious—will leave an enduring imprint in neural structure, like a surging current reshaping a riverbed.”1

In a recent online talk, Hanson shared three of the ways that you can “actually increase positive change in your brain” and “reliably influence who you are becoming”:

  1. Have – When you have a useful experience, stay with it for a breath or longer.  Keep the neurons firing together so they can wire together and create a new neural pathway.
  2. Enrich – Really feel it in your body.  Enrich the pleasant sensation by feeling how good it feels and keeping your attention on that feeling for 10 or more seconds.
  3. Absorb – Focus on what’s rewarding about it.  What’s meaningful or enjoyable or both.  Because that will increase the storage of the experience you are having at the time.  Absorb that pleasurable sensation and feel it sinking into you.

I think that’s why morning yoga is sticking for me so far.  I adapted morning movement to make it pleasant for me.  I don’t get up any earlier to do it.  It’s only about 10 minutes, so it easily fits into my day.  I don’t have to leave the house and I’m in control of how challenging it is each day.

I’m not forcing myself to do something that I don’t want to do because it is good for me.  I’m repeating a pleasant activity and hopefully creating a new pathway in my brain. I’m taking in the good and giving myself the opportunity to become a different version of me.

Only time will tell if this new morning practice will stick long-term.  One thing I hope sticks forever is continually questioning the stories I am telling myself to make sure they are not limiting who I could become.

1 – Rick Hanson, PhD – Online Nervous System Reboot Summit and How to Grow the Good in Your Brain

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Why Do I Want to Know That?

Posted on December 31, 2025 by Lisa Ivaldi

4-minute read

Close-up picture of a tile mosaic

I was recently at a workshop where we were asked to bring a bowl.  Not for eating, but for a shared exercise.  We separated into pairs.  Our instructions were to sit facing each other and for one person to tell the story of their bowl and why they chose to bring it.  The speaker had about five minutes and the listener could not speak or interrupt.  Easy enough.  Except it wasn’t!

I had so many questions pop up as my partner was telling her story and I couldn’t ask them!  I am a curious person.  I usually ask lots of questions.  It helps me understand the story.  Or so I thought.

My husband sometimes gets frustrated when he is telling me a story and I interrupt with questions.  When I tell him I neeeeeed the answers to understand the story; he tells me I don’t.  That I could just listen without interrupting, and that I’ll understand more when he is done telling the story.  I thought he was wrong.  I thought we were having a two-way conversation.  But not all interactions are two-way conversations.  Sometimes a person just wants or needs to relay a story without being interrupted.  

After I was forced to sit and silently listen to my partner talk, I realized that my silence actually allowed her to tell HER story.  Her whole story.  Everything she wanted and needed to express.  There were lots of pauses and opportunities for surprises in where the story was taking her.

If I had been able to ask random questions as they popped into my head, I would have hijacked her story and perhaps taken it in a completely different direction.  My direction, not hers.  And likely not to where the story ended up taking her. 

At the very least I would have distracted her.  As Kate Murphy1 says in You’re Not Listening: What You’re Missing and Why it Matters, “Good listeners know there is usually more to the story than first appears and are not so eager for tidy reasoning and immediate answers … [they] avoid asking about incidental details that knock people off their train of thought and feeling state.”

The bowl exercise allowed me to clearly see my husband’s perspective.  I don’t always need to understand right in the moment.  It feels good to be heard.  To be able to tell a story without interruption and to full attention.  And if the answers to my questions are not answered in the full telling of the story, I can ask them later.

The recognition that my harmless questions were not only interrupting, but perhaps hijacking, the conversation was a big revelation for me.   And then the next, maybe bigger, revelation came as I was writing this.

I remembered a podcast where the presenter said that if someone asks you an uncomfortable question to purposefully throw you off balance, you can take back control by asking them – why do you want to know that?  While my innocuous questions likely would not have been uncomfortable for the storyteller and would not have been posed in a backhanded or mean way, why DID I want to know how many siblings she had or where her grandparents lived? 

Was it pure curiosity or was it a bid for control?  Kate Murphy1 says, “While you may feel a sense of urgency to tell people how you feel [or in my case, ask questions], it’s not always helpful.  You are putting your ego ahead of the other person’s vulnerability.” 

Ouch!  Maybe my seemingly caring curiosity is also about taking control away from the storyteller?  Maybe I have a hard time taking a back seat and just listening.  Maybe I do put my ego ahead of the other person’s need.  After all, hijacking is literally taking control of where something is going and “diversion to a new destination.”

So, why would I do that?

Perhaps because with questions, I have the illusion that I can direct the story where I want it to go.  To safe places.  I’m still in the driver’s seat.  No upsetting surprises. According to Sean Corne2, “there’s control, which is the safety mechanism of anyone who has experienced trauma, and then there is liberation … and the space between control and liberation is surrender.” 

With practice, I’m hoping to truly surrender to the unknown more and to open myself up to real curiosity.  To see where the story is going without trying to direct or control it or understand every little thing about it.

Fortunately, I get to practice this every day, in every interaction, with every person I speak to.  

1 You’re Not Listening: What You’re Missing and Why it Matters by Kate Murphy

2 Seane Corn – “Steady Breath, Steady Heart” Insights at the Edge podcast

Posted in Communication | Tagged , , , , , , | 3 Comments

The Book and the Fire Ceremony

Posted on November 4, 2025 by Lisa Ivaldi
Picture of book

In 2011, I started writing the Insight Clarity Growth blog to share new-to-me information that was too cool to keep to myself.  Over the 10 years that I wrote the blog, I realized that the person I most wanted to hear what I was sharing was my daughter, Kathryn.  I think that’s the main reason I kept writing. 

Fast forward to September 2025.  Kathryn’s getting married.

While thinking about what I wanted to offer Kathryn as a sort of shower before her wedding; my mind was taken to the novel, The Red Tent.  The red tent was where the women of the tribe all took refuge while menstruating or upon birthing, and “in which they find mutual support and encouragement from their mothers, sisters, and aunts”.  I wanted to ‘shower’ Kathryn with the kind of knowledge, wisdom, and love that I imagined was shared in that tent every month. 

I asked my friend and local shamanic practitioner, Linda1, if she would be interested in leading a rite of passage fire ceremony for Kathryn and me before her wedding.  I invited a group of soul-led, wise women who are important in my life to witness, support, and share with both Kathryn and me as we celebrated this milestone event.

The ceremony was to be held about two weeks before the wedding with 14 women in attendance, including two of Kathryn’s dear friends to support her during the ‘journey’.  In keeping with the red tent inspiration, all the women wrote something they felt called from their hearts to share with Kathryn as she progresses through the transition into this next stage of her life. 

When I realized that I too had to prepare something to share with Kathryn at the ceremony, what really wanted to be shared was all the wisdom – the teachings and learnings – that I wrote about in the blog.

I’d thought over the years about putting the blog into a book format but it always seemed like too much and got pushed off my plate.  Now I had a pressing reason and a short deadline.  Two of my favourite things to get motivated!  So, with help from One Thousand Trees2, my book was published in September.  Just in time to give to Kathryn at the rite of passage ceremony.

Picture of despacho

We began by gathering around a large table. Linda led us in creating a beautiful Despacho, or prayer bundle, where we all added our intentions to support Kathryn on her journey and for the journey of our collective future.  And like the red tent, it was a wonderful opportunity for a group of women to come together in community for a few hours.  It felt like an outpouring of love.

Once the bundle was complete, we gathered outside.  All the women circled around Kathryn and I for the rite of passage journey led by Linda.  In turn, each woman read their sharing to Kathryn.  The sharings included poems, songs, and lots of lived wisdom.  We all laughed and I think we all cried a little bit.  I was truly moved by each woman’s heartfelt sharing about marriage and life, and the loving energy they brought to the ceremony.  And then surrounded by that loving energy, Kathryn and I cut the cords to each other, allowing us to move forward into our individual destinies with love.  Finally, we placed the Despacho in the fire, releasing the prayers and our supportive intentions for Kathryn to spirit.  

Picture of fire

It was an amazing experience and I still feel lifted by the energy we generated together.  One of many gifts from the rite of passage ceremony was it being the impetus for me publishing the beautiful book, Insight Clarity Growth, and offering it to the world, as well as to Kathryn. 

I look forward to sharing the journey of publishing this book and its many lessons with those of you who stick around for the next chapter of this blog. 

It is my wish that Kathryn, and whoever else reads the book, will receive the gift of each lesson at exactly the moment in life they need to hear it.

(Note: You can order your copy of Insight Clarity Growth either directly from me here or from One Thousand Trees)

1 www.redandwhitecarnations.ca

2 www.onethousandtrees.com

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Holding Space

Posted on March 31, 2023 by Lisa Ivaldi

3-minute read

Picture of four brightly coloured deck chairs in a row.

What is holding space?

Dr. Nicole LePera describes it as being “fully present and curious with someone, without judging or attempting to change them, as they express their emotions and experiences.” 1  I’d heard of it, but I didn’t truly understand the power of holding space until I experienced it firsthand. 

I was staying at a small, nearly empty, hotel in Newfoundland during the off-season last year.  One evening as I was walking down the hallway toward the lobby, I heard the hotel front desk clerk say into the phone, “it’s okay, it’s going to be alright, I love you.”  She hung up the phone just as I got there and before I knew what I was doing, I asked this total stranger if everything was okay. 

Without hesitation, it all came pouring out.  She told me she was speaking to her husband on the phone.  He had incurable cancer and was near the end of his life.  I calmly listened as she explained that her husband didn’t leave the house very much as he was no longer mobile and had trouble breathing.  Unfortunately, his son often got drunk and phoned his dying father to yell at him for not visiting his grandchildren more often.  Upset, her husband would then call her. 

She said her husband’s calls were very hard on her.  She wanted to be there for him, but she would be so upset after talking to him that she couldn’t think clearly.  The situation was affecting her ability to do her job, and she needed to keep working.

When she had got it all out, she shook her head and said “I shouldn’t be telling you all this.”  I assured her that I was glad to be there to hear her story.  She was visibly calmer and I could see that it had really helped her to be able to talk about what was happening.  But, why did it help?  Nothing had changed.  Her problem wasn’t solved.  Why did just telling her story calm her down?      

I later found out why from a podcast on Polyvagal Theory 2.

Apparently, our autonomic nervous system moves in and out of three states all the time depending on external stimuli.  When we are feeling safe and calm, we are in what is called a ‘ventral vagal state’ (rest and digest) and ready for social engagement and connecting with others.  When we are feeling unsafe or stressed, we are in one of the two other states – ‘sympathetic’ (fight or flight) or ‘dorsal vagal’ (freeze).

Although we need all three of these states to keep us safe and functioning well, our ability to continually return to a calm ventral vagal state, or rest and digest, once any danger or stress has passed keeps our nervous system regulated and healthy.

Deborah Dana explains that when life has gotten too much for us and we are feeling overwhelmed, we go into a sympathetic state of anxiety.  In this state, we can’t do anything about the problem because we’re stuck in it.  We’re just swimming around and around in it. (2)  Much like the hotel clerk after she spoke to her husband.

I, on the other hand, was on vacation and feeling safe and calm in that moment.  When we feel safe, “it is reflected in our eyes, our voice, and our body language.  We are fully present, and there is a lightness and ease in our manner.  This sense of safety is passed on to others in a process called co-regulation.  When others are reassured that you are not a threat, they, too, will feel safe and enter the same social activation mode that sets them at ease.” 1 

So, I didn’t have to solve the hotel clerk’s problem to help her feel better.  Through co-regulation, I had extended my ventral vagal connection to her at a time when she had lost connection to her own.2  

How powerful is that!  We can help regulate another person’s nervous system by calmly holding space for them to get back to a state where they can think clearly enough to figure out their own problem or at least get on with life.

—

1 – How to Do the Work: Recognize Your Patterns, Heal from Your Past, and Create Your Self by Dr. Nicole LePera

2 – Becoming An Active Operator of Your Nervous System, Insights at the Edge podcast with Deborah Dana, LCSW November 2021 (https://resources.soundstrue.com/podcast/becoming-an-active-operator-of-your-nervous-system/)

Posted in Behaviour, Communication | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

Hope

Posted on March 31, 2022 by Lisa Ivaldi

3 min read

The current world situation is disturbing to say the least.  The pandemic, climate change, social justice, war.  It seems that every time I look at the news or social media there is another disaster or disheartening situation happening.  I’ve been finding it hard to keep my eyes and ears open and not get sucked down into despair.

Late last year I watched an online summit called Activating Hope.  The opening talk was by Jane Goodall, co-author of The Book of Hope: A Survival Guide for Trying Times.  She began by going over all the problems we currently face.  She covered everything I was concerned about and added in a few new ones that I hadn’t even thought of!

Then over the next four days, speaker after speaker began to offer hope by sharing stories about the projects they were working on.  Learning about so many positive initiatives going on around the world really helped lift my spirits. 

But this year continues to be extremely challenging.  The division in Canada highlighted by the convoys.  The Russian invasion of Ukraine.  Once again, it’s hard not to spiral down into despair and apathy.  Despair when I think about what’s going on in the world and apathy when I don’t think about it – neither of which is a good thing.

I’m currently reading a book where the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu share how they stay positive, and actually joyful, during trying times.  They reminded me that “often what we think is reality is only part of the picture.  We look at one of the calamities in our world … and then we look again, and we see all those who are helping to heal those who have been harmed.” 1 It’s true.  I see this every day in the news and social media.  Beautiful stories of humanity at its best.  Encouraging, hope-giving stories that help me stay connected to the world without falling into despair about the future.

Also helping me are two of the messages I took away from Activating Hope – get involved in change and have a regular spiritual practice.

I know the regular spiritual practice part is key for me.  I need to get out in nature for a walk, meditate, read, and connect with others.  These are all part of my spiritual practice. 

But how to get involved in change when it comes to conflict in the world?  I’ve started attending online group meditations for peace and healing.  This feels really helpful.  I had been sending love and peace to areas of conflict as part of my personal practice but being part of a group feels much more powerful. 

And according to some studies, lifting my mood affects more than just me, “your current state of mind carries an intention that has an effect on life around you.  The mind continues affecting its surroundings whether or not we are consciously sending an intention.  To think is to affect.”2 

I know I don’t want to bring more fear into the world by only focusing on the bad things that are happening and then imagining a bleak future.  So, I’ll keep the Dalai Lama’s words in mind when I hear the news, “if you let your imagination run wild, then you exacerbate the situation further and then bring more fear.”  I’ll do my best to adopt “the wider perspective” and see that “there are many more positive things happening in our world.”1

And, I’ll keep taking action in the small ways that I can … meditating, writing letters, signing petitions, and supporting worthwhile organizations.  Because as Jane Goodall says, “The antidote to depression and lack of hope is taking action.”3

1 – The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World by His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu with Douglas Abrams

2 – The Intention Experiment by Lynne McTaggart

3 – Jane Goodall, https://www.bbc.com/travel/article/20210318-why-jane-goodall-is-hopeful-in-2021

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Releasing Trapped Emotions

Posted on January 31, 2022 by Lisa Ivaldi

3 min read

Last year I read a book1 about releasing trapped emotions.  I’d heard of ‘emotional baggage’ but never really thought about how much I might be carrying or that I could release it. 

We all have emotions, big and little, all the time, and if for some reason we don’t process our emotions fully, they get stuck or trapped.  We move on, but our bodies hold that unprocessed emotion. 

The whole concept of releasing trapped emotions really resonated with me and I’ve been working with it ever since.  I recently cleared a trapped emotion of ‘Taken for Granted’.  During the process, which for me is like a meditation, I could feel the sense of being taken for granted come up, the resentment – why doesn’t anyone ever see me, see what I do, appreciate me, acknowledge my contribution?  I don’t know exactly where it came from, not from anything I was currently experiencing, but it felt big.

And then it dawned on me … I don’t appreciate me.  I take me for granted.  I often discount my contribution and dismiss my inner wisdom.  How could anyone else appreciate me if I didn’t appreciate myself?  Good question.

Rebecca Campbell2 writes, “In order for other people to acknowledge us, first we need to acknowledge ourselves.  The people in our lives are merely mirrors reflecting back to us what we believe about the Universe and ourselves.  … What am I not seeing in myself that longs to be seen?”

I saw that the only way to stop feeling taken for granted by others is to stop taking myself for granted.  Once I came to that realization and apologized to myself, I could feel the trapped emotion releasing.  My body relaxed and when it felt like the emotion was completely released, I mentally filled every cell in my body with love and appreciation.

Martha Beck3 describes that when you get “in touch with the deep sense of truth” that she calls your ‘Inner Teacher’ … you can feel it in all aspects of your being (body/mind/heart/soul) at once.”

She explains that the “body’s reaction to recognizing truth is relaxation, a literal, involuntary release of muscle tension”.  Check, I definitely felt that. 

“When our minds recognize truth, we experience that invisible cartoon light bulb going on in our heads, the feeling of a riddle being solved.  … All the puzzle pieces fit.  The math works.  Everything makes logical sense.”  Yep, total light bulb moment.

“To our heart, the ring of truth feels like a flower opening up … we’re completely available to all emotion: overwhelming love, deep grief, terrible anger, sharp fear.”  Again, a big yes.  I completely felt the emotion I was releasing and lots of other ones too – ending with a big flow of love, compassion, and gratitude. 

Finally, “The emotional pain of a hard truth is eased by our soul’s response to aligning with reality.  Around and beyond mere emotion, we feel a sense of freedom, a vast openness that includes all aspects of our experience.”  Thanks Martha, that pretty much sums it up. 

Releasing this particular trapped emotion made me realize how much I need to appreciate myself more, love myself more, and to listen to my inner voice more.  Basically, to give myself everything I would like to receive from others.  I’m looking forward to seeing what that reflects back to me in life. 

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  1. The Emotion Code by Dr. Bradley Nelson
  2. Light is the New Black: A Guide to Answering your Soul’s Callings and Working Your Light by Rebecca Campbell
  3. The Way of Integrity: Finding the Path to Your True Self by Martha Beck
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